Tips On How To Make Violence Stop!
Any person in dangerous relationships wants to know 'how to make the violence stop!'. It's been the age-old question since destructive relationships began.
The end result of violence is normally a progressive violation of smaller boundaries throughout the relationship. As the relationship continues and he is unbridled in his smaller violations of you, the larger ones are just on the horizon.
Smaller violations could be:
- Calls you names or degrades your worth in some way
- Dismisses your feelings and emotions as unimportant
- Doesn't do what he tells you he will do
- Cheats on you repeatedly
- Disrespects your verbal boundaries about any issue (Please don't do...)
- Is cruel to children or animals
- Yells, throws things, threatens your or others
Smaller violations like these are red flags that this man has not only boundary issues, but likely to have violent ones as well. Once he has violated these smaller boundaries without consequences (you break up permanently) than your silence and often just your presence means 'consent' to him.
Men who are violent don't always think, react, and reason the way non-violent men do. While you may think that your reactions to smaller violations by him have been adequate to get your point across – often they are not. He may read that situation entirely different.
Making the violence stop has its early intervention roots in noticing smaller violations at the beginning of the relationship. Women need to understand that they can't 'change, fix, or groom' a man for a better relationship. Either he has the potential NOW or he doesn't. Too many women are harmed by hoping that early relationship boundary violations can be 'changed' by being patient, more loving or understanding.
Making the violence stop has its roots also in intervention—acting NOW when it is occurring. If you are being harmed or he is threatening to harm you, these are long term problems on his part. You must exit the relationship in order to save yourself and/or children.
Every community has resources for women exiting a violent relationship. To make the violence stop, step out of the violent relationship. Community resources includes shelters, job training, child care, housing, social services, and divorce support.
